It snowed today.
I don't know if today was the first snow,
but I know I almost died twice when my car drifted.
Today I became an insect.
You see, insects are much smarter than us.
They wear their bones on the outside.
Ours are inside.
We are just more
susceptible to love.
I sat by the fireplace today.
I drank hot chocolate today.
The fire warmed my exoskeleton
but the hot chocolate went right through the cavity in my chest
and made my stomach warm
and my throat burn
and my mind race
and it only lasted a moment.
A moment as fleeting
as your warm embrace.
Yes, that melodic, euphoric embrace.
The painfully short one.
You are justified though.
It probably hurts hugging someone with their bones on the outside.
It probably hurts even more loving someone with their bones on the outside.
According to Darwin, I'm smarter right?
Survival of the fittest, yes?
Maybe I should become a bear tomorrow.
Skip Winter, and the cold that comes with it.
But I became an insect to protect me from this weather.
Then why am I using these bones to protect my heart?
Because if you can't touch my bones than you can't hurt my heart.
But I can't seem to figure out why the fireplace
can't warm me the way your skin does.
Or all the hot chocolate in the world
Even with marshmallows
Couldn't satisfy or comfort the beating heart under my bones.
I am evolution! I am efficient!
If this Origin of Species,
if this is surviving,
Then why can't I shake this feeling from my bones that
this insect isn't alive at all
because I am devoid of that look in your eye,
that energetic, life-filled gaze
that vibrates my senses
and makes me feel.
Perhaps Darwin was wrong.
It's not about who has longest life span
or the best chance at reproducing.
It is about drawing with your crayons
and making yourself worth introducing
and your personality seducing
and listening to the hearts that do sing.
Because choosing to be human
and losing the insect
Erases confusing assumptions
and abusing regrets
My Musings on Winter.