What Remains of My Big Box

Tattered, torn, pathetic.

A once noble box now worn from age, not high usage.

A box that at some point captured every refraction of light in the spectrum from loving someone and you can't tell why to falling into leaves in the brisk autumn weather.

When that box was your prized possession, that you would without hesitation display for all to see. To those who were interested, or didn't give it a second thought.

Back then in the box, sky blue, blue green, blue violet, navy blue, midnight blue, blue bell, and blue berry all represented a unique thought or feeling.

Armed with your box, you couldn't draw like Van Gogh. But I'd rather look at your art than his.

Even though everyone told you that you couldn't draw, or were drawing incorrectly.

That wasn't important, because with your box, and your 150 different colors drew a beautiful paved road to travel on, though the colors were drawn a little outside the lines.

But you liked it that way.

Though it didn't stay like that for long.

The lines took priority above everything and you began to draw like everyone else.

Your pictures hung on empty frames for the blind to enjoy.

I felt right to criticize, you had used the three colors you were most comfortable with. After some time, even the lines began to become bland.

One day, you approached me, and asked me where my box had been the last few years.





I couldn't reply properly. I was taken aback.

I was so obsessed with finding faults with the color usage and the tasteless frames of others I neglected my own expression.

Cobwebs don't look well on a box of crayons, as I found out.

I couldn't face you. I had forgotten how to even draw in the lines. I forgot how to hold a crayon. To just doodle and be simple.

What you said to me, and what all of this did, I can't figure it out, but it made me feel.....

Blue.


-Insolence is Bliss

Take Me Back

Take me back to 1950 when Isaac Asimov wrote I, Robot. Back to when, the concept of robots was a new -- new and intriguing. Mechanical people was so far fetched, yet real.

Take me back before growing up including the concept of robots everywhere. You could say a desensitization of an idea. One that would have been fascinating to witness in your time be created, and then have it grow. Grown to the point today where every movie theater in the world will be showing a movie with robots in it (at least it would seem so in my head)

I am here, because if you did take me back, I would still be Insolence is Bliss. Things would be different,  but I wouldn't be battery powered.

I don't promote the thought of taking me back as one of those counters you come up with in an imaginary fight with your friends ("I shot you with my mega-freeze ray!" "Well I am wearing my anti-mega-freeze ray repellant!") I just find it a way to prove I'm existent

Then again, I am proving why I am HERE. For if you did take me back, I wouldn't be here any longer. I wouldn't be able to blog to show why I'm human. Though it would mean I'm not a robot. Doesn't prove I am human.

I was up last night, my mind troubled and my body ill, and I could not fall asleep til some ungodly hour. Robots are pathetic, they can just plug in their chargers and go to sleep. No insomnia worries at all. At least that's how I imagine it'd work.

Now, take me back to my birth. Where the worth of a human is extraordinary. Fragility woven with innocence and potential. Though at the time it amounts to nothing.

Take me back so I show you where the difference is. Where robots are born with their purpose installed and their motivation hardwired. Whereas man doesn't have a clue (and still doesn't), but will spend their days searching for their purpose, and seeking their motivation. Above all, humans need to be acknowledged. Which is why I write well, to express, but to receive recognition that I can selfishly take to heart and feel good about myself. Taken to a heart that beats, that loves, that is quite mortal.

But it's really up to you to believe me or not.

But right now, I'm here. And I don't plan on that changing anytime soon.

- Insolence is Bliss

STATISTICAL REPORT ON TODAY

- 0630 HOURS: UNPLUGGED AND OILED JOINTS

- 0700 HOURS: RAN CHECK ON MAINFRAME FOR MALFUNCTIONS. NONE DETECTED

- 0940 HOURS: HAD AN ENCOUNTER WITH A HUMAN WHO WAS VERY UNINTELLIGENT. DEALT WITH BY PROTOCOL.

- 1250 HOURS: A FEMALE HUMAN TOLD ME SHE LOVED ME. CANNOT COMPUTE THE MEANING OF THIS. NOT PROGRAMMED HOW TO RESPOND

- 1600 HOURS: A LIQUID OF UNKNOWN TYPE, FELL DOWN MY FACE. SEEMED TO ORIGINATE FROM THE EYES. COULD THIS BE WHAT THE HUMANS CALL, SAD? TO INVESTIGATE FURTHER WITH THE MAINFRAME.

- 1945 HOURS: WAS BROWSING A STORE FOR NEW PARTS WHEN I HEARD WHAT THE HUMANS REFER TO AS "MUSIC", PLAY. UNKNOWN ANOMALY OCCURRED WHERE MY LIMBS BEGAN TO MOVE ON THEIR OWN, SEEMINGLY IN TIME WITH THE SOUNDS PLAYING. REMINDER TO CHECK ON WHEN PLUGGING IN

- 2200 HOURS: A CHECK WITH THE MEDICAL COMPUTER REPORTS THAT I AM EXPERIENCING HEAVY AMOUNTS OF "FEELING". BY THE MORNING, ALL SAID FOREIGN "FEELING" WILL BE TERMINATED.

Too Much To Eat

I have too much on my plate

Of various kinds of food

The aromas are indulging

And yet I want to brood

This dilemma of my stomach

Not enough room for all

A self-induced hunger

Is the cause for my withdrawal

Should I eat what I can

 And throw the rest away

Or avoid it all -- have nothing

Let consequence hit full sway

Will the judgement feel lessened

To partake of all but a few

Unless the remains look lonely

Leaving me guilty and confused

Dessert on the table is tempting

I think I'll have just one bite

Then I regain my awareness

Realize I feasted all night

People were hoping I'd eaten

And gained a healthy pride

Instead I did the opposite

Had fed my gluttonous side

Leftovers are typically good

Yet unsure if they'll be ripe

As tasteless, bland, unsavory

Are traits that aren't my type

Continual lack of calories

Would define me as anorexic

Though it's not what I want

Causing my health to be hectic

Putting it off then bingeing

That makes one a bulimic

While some food will be eaten

The effect will leave me sick

I cannot handle this concern

Feel as if I'm wasting my breath

Time to throw in the towel

Embrace an almost timely death.

- Insolence is Bliss

Introduction and the story of Insolence thus far.

in-so-lence

 [in-suh-luh ns]

noun

1.

contemptuously rude or impertinent behavior or speech.

2.

the quality or condition of being insolent.

in-so-lent
  [in-suh-luh nt]

adjective

1.

boldly rude or disrespectful; contemptuously impertinent; insulting: an insolent reply.

noun

2.

an insolent person.

I feel somewhat at a disadvantage right now, for a slew of reasons. Not only do I feel obligated to meet the requirements of introducing myself in this post, but I have convinced my mind that I need to do a lot of explaining. Or rather to detail the story of Insolence thus far, and hoping to captivate you to join me on my quest, in the same fashion a countless number of you have kept me engaged with your blogs.

Enough with the formalities, which I despise in the first place, but I need to explain Insolence. To be more correct, the "experiment" which is Insolence. Having known Nelson well prior to enrolling in Creative Writing I figured he had hopes for me to discover my inner artist, and that the odds of me being a tourist was less-than average, or somewhere around there. Then I thought of an idea, to this day I cannot determine whether brilliant or idiotic, though that has yet to be fully revealed.

The idea was this: Create 2 separate blogs, on the one I give the name to Nelson, do absolutely nothing. On the other, maintain it properly and follow along with where the class currently is, without anyone knowing. I had a plethora of reasons to follow through with this plan, but one caused me to pursue this course more than the others. I strongly wished to see if and how Nelson would me differently if I behaved like a tourist. The goal was so obsessing I really began to outdo myself. Even with my journal completed, up to date, and with blood and sweat bestowed within it, I did not turn it in as if I hadn't worked on my journal at all. Intentionally, I withheld turning in my disclosure regardless that it was signed. 

In other words, a complete zero for my grade. Maintaining this was no easy task, as I took plenty of heat from my parents regarding such an ugly grade. It had it's rewards too, Nelson responded well beyond my expectations, which brought me joy. It made me happy to see him treat me with less enthusiasm than the others, and express subtle disappointment towards me. It proved that he loved his work, and his class, and he disliked tourists. So Nelson, if you are reading this, good job. I've gained so much respect and admiration for your reaction to my efforts. Oh, and *surprise*.

It was a complete success according to my findings with the experiment so far, but after truly thinking about how long to keep the act up (the original plan was to be just a few weeks before we reveal our pen names) but there were problems too. The aforementioned grade-parent issues were/are still very present, but I also realized I was missing out on a key part of the experience this class brings: the sharing, commenting, and feedback made possible by linking our blogs together. And that made me sad, so I decided in 2 weeks time from then (4 weeks ago) I would reveal the blog to the world.

If you have a thought process anything like mine you would be thinking of all the inconsistencies with this so far. For example, if this is an introduction blog being posted now then how does that connect with the claim of keeping the blog up with the class from the start of the year? And what is up with the odd time frames? The answer is simple, stupid, and embarrassing. One week from the time I was going to reveal the blog, I was overwhelmingly frustrated with my blog, and on that day it happened to be the last straw on the camel's back. I was so angry that I deleted my blog permanently.

 Looking back on it, I need something more than just a facepalm to express my feelings towards that event. The days following, I was really ashamed and at an emotional loss, having no real way of getting back all that effort. Reality told me to give up, and I just about did, but decided to give it another shot. And that's where we are right now. Beginning anew. I'm happy to be doing this again, but it also feels like a watered down version of killing my own child and then adopting a new one in it's place. That is where we meet the present

I just realized how long this is getting. Congratulations to those who have made it this far, comment below and I'll stalk your blog, or continue to do so.

Let's not forgot this is also my invitation to Insolence. I am chronically obsessed with insolence. It has been such a healthy beneficial thing to my life. I find it most fitting the fake blog is Insolent Bystander, the one I deleted was Insolent Awakening, and this is Insolence is Bliss.

Here's a list of what I think our world could really use some more of:

• Studying
• Passion
• Innovation NOT related to a better smartphone or apple product
• Imagination
• Rebellion
• Romance for adventure
• Meditation
• Self-actualized people
• Insolence

When people identify what direction they want the world to take, especially the heavily optimistic folks, they strive for peace and equality and all those unreachable goals. I, on the other hand strongly encourage the world to embrace more insolence. There is a serious deprivation of insolent people and attitudes these days. A person shouldn't be completely insolent, as that would put them in my venn-diagram area of "people I really deserve to punch. hard"

What I am getting after is that the world would be more enjoyable for me if everyone was a little more insolent. Bold, unafraid to criticize, and even disrespectful at times. From about 8th grade until the start of junior year I felt, even by my tears and depression I had a good life, yet something wasn't there. Eventually I discovered insolence; and insolence changed my life for the better.

Insolent behavior provided me with the balance I needed, always giving me fresh perspective, emboldening my actions, and criticizing my sphere of existence. It was the equivalent of falling into toxic waste and gaining superpowers. My world was rocked, I was in control. You could even say insolence has helped me get to where I am today.

I hope you will join me on my expedition into the unknown, and I challenge you to seek out insolence, and dream that my writing can help you find it. Pressing on, ignoring the feelings of loss and emptiness from my mistake involving my other blog, I will see if for this world I can shed some light, offer perspective, and provide INSOLENCE.

- Insolence is Bliss